Happy Halloween!
No tricks, just a treat: here’s a very special choose-your-own zombie adventure…
1
You awaken with a terrible headache and a sore arm. Rubbing your head, you groan, sit up and wonder why you are sitting on the dank earth. You smell a nasty smell and watch as a piece of your flesh tumbles to the ground.
Oh no! You have become a zombie!
Lose 1 point of flesh.
- There’s no time to lose! You run to the city because this is the best hope you have of finding a cure – 8
- What happened here? You carefully examine your surroundings. – 3
2
Your fingers feel a hole where your brain used to be.
Cross your brain off your adventure sheet.
This is probably quite unusual but at least you don’t have to worry about it too much.
You catch a smell of something in the air. Something warm and lifey.
- Check out the source of smell – 9
- Ignore it – 17
3
The last thing you seem to remember was going out for a nice walk. It was such a beautiful evening. The air was heavy with the sweet taste of autumn.
And on this walk you saw that man. That shambling, smelly, rotten man. Come to think of it, he may have been a zombie. He did bite you and go “Rawwwwwrrr!” and then that girl went “Oh my god, it’s a zombie!” So yes, there is quite a good chance that you were bitten by a zombie.
Something drops off and you feel tingly.
Cross 1 piece of flesh off of your adventure sheet.
The strangest thing is, you can still smell them both.
- The smell of the zombie drifts west from the forest – 4
- The smell of the girl drifts east, from the river – 5
- Keep thinking about this situation – 7
4
You come across a zombie trying to chew a tree.
- Say hi – 16
- Chew a tree also – 17
5
You see a young girl bathing in the river. She is singing a strange and soulful song. It’s an odd thing to do, especially on a really cold November evening. After she has just watched you being mauled by a zombie.
- Sneak up and bite the girl – 15
- Ask the girl for help – 13
6
You find your brain is still there. Phew!
In fact you don’t feel too bad at all. You’re not a zombie afterall! You’ve just woken up from a really bad hangover.
That was a close one!
7
You try to get your thoughts together.
What day is it? Thursday? You watch the sun come up. Friday. The sun goes down again. You’re not sure. Your brain hurts. Do you even have a brain anymore?
You reach up and feel the top of your head.
- If you have lost 3 or more points of flesh – 2
- Otherwise, you’re okay for now – 6
8
“Running” is a slightly generous statement. You meander to your feet as quickly as possible, kicking a couple of toes off in the process.
Cross 2 toes and 2 points of flesh from your adventure sheet.
You then begin shuffling towards the bright lights of the city. Your motor skills are awkward and obtuse. This is going to take ages.
- Grit your teeth and keep going – 11
- Stop and think for a while. There might be a better way – 7
9
You see a man in a truck. Lettering adorning the van reads “Bob the Zombie Hunter”. A dead zombie hangs out the back of this truck.
Bob looks at you with suspicion.
- Ask Bob for help – 14
- Try to eat Bob – 12
11
You grit your teeth hard, causing a lot of them to fall out.
Roll 5 dice, and cross that many teeth off your adventure sheet.
One week later, you arrive at the science lab in the city. A scientist is working on his latest project. It’s probably a zombie cure.
His brain smells delicious.
- Eat him – 18
- Eat him – 18
- Eat him – 18
12
You manage to get a good bite of Bob, before he smashes your decaying body to bits.
He tastes of a very bland chicken, and you’re mildly disappointed.
13
“Excuse me, young miss, but I appear to be in a bit of a predicament,” you try to say, but it comes out more like “Rarrrrrg! Arrrrgh! Braaiiiiiiiiiiinsss!”
The girl screams and whacks you hard in the side of the face with her broomstick. Your head drops off and rolls under a bush.
14
“Rarrrg arrrg!” you ask Bob.
Bob pulls out a big gun and fires it at you. You flop to the ground in glorious peace (and many pieces).
15
Swimming is really difficult in your new, decaying body. You feel parts of you dropping off as you swim against the water resistance.
Cross your arms and legs off your adventure sheet.
By the time you get to where the girl was bathing, you realise she left several hours ago. With disappointment, you gently bob out to sea.
16
“Rarrg!”
“Arrrg!”
“Ra!”
“Rarr.”
That entire exchange took about 6 hours. You think about saying goodbye but think better of it, so you shuffle rudely away.
A new day dawns and you’re still a zombie. I guess you’re just going to have to get on with it now.
17
You find yourself munching on a tree bark.
It’s not very nice, but at least it’s something to do. This is how you spend your remaining days.
18
You pounce on the scientist and eat him. The vial of zombie cure rolls off the table and smashes into a million pieces.
Don’t care. Had brains.